Mark Sloniker jazz musician and artist
Mark Sloniker jazz artist and musician
Mark Sloniker jazz musician

News from 2009

11/18/2009

Wow! My friend C.C. sent this (below) to me, describing it as “very telling about our society”…I agree with him. Check it out, if you haven’t already; then check out our jazz Bistro listings below that.

Joshua Bell in Washington, DC

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning. A man with a violin plays six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people passed through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle-aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin valued at $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the price of seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made...what else are we missing?

Wednesday 18th Jay’s Bistro (7-10) bassist, Roger Barnhart joins Mark(s) Raynes/drums and Sloniker/piano to round out the Monster Trux Jazz Trio with very special guest Mark Manges/trumpet joining in at 8. This is Mark’s first guest set and he will be playing a horn valued at 2.5 million centavos (or something).

Thursday 19th Jay’s Bistro welcomes Grammy award winning bass man Gene Libbea and non-Grammy award winning Mark Sloniker on a piano valued at (less than) 3.5 million dollars. Their time together will be priceless and other musicians will most probably increase the overall value of the evening by joining in. (6:30-10:30)

Friday 20th Jay’s jazz experience includes sax man extraordinaire, Andrew Vogt with Barnhart/Raynes/Sloniker trio from Wednesday. This Is one swinging quartet (8:30-11:30).

Saturday 21st Jay’s welcomes vocalist, Mandy Harvey with Gene Libbea/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano. This is a marvelous trio and Mandy’s New CD “Smile” is just as marvelous (last week 9News was filming her Live at the Bistro to a packed house), so come early!

As always, it’s a joy to play for you. Thanks for listening!
Mark

11/11/2009

I forgot to mention…..

Our annual Gratitude concert at Unity this very Sunday evening, Nov. 15th at 7 pm - something Colleen Crosson and I always look forward to each year. It is one way we say thanks to our spiritual home and all the folks in our community who support our musical adventures throughout the year. Everyone is welcome! We will take a “love offering” with all proceeds donated to Unity and will share potluck desserts and light apps (that’s appetizers, not applications for all you iPhone geeks….) after the show. We have lined up several guests, including Oscar deZoto (aka Rob Wojtowick) on drums, Dr. Cory Carroll and Myles Sloniker on basses, David Green on guitar, and perhaps a few others. Unity is located at 1401 W. Vine Dr., in northwest Fort Collins. Hope you can come out and enjoy the show!

Thanks,
Mark

11/11/2009

Hey there music friends, there are some way cool opportunities to catch some tunes in the very near future (like tonight). With Thanksgiving coming up I am extremely thankful for the music, friends and family in my life and each and every chance to play.

Wednesday 11/11 Jay’s Bistro (7-10) Gene Libbea/bass, Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/piano with special guest Mike Davis/guitar. Mike brings a wonderful energy and selection of standards to the stand.

Thursday 11/12 Jay’s 6:30-10:30) I’ll start things out solo, with Roger Barnhart adding some bass by and by and what happens from there is always interesting, very interesting.

Friday 11/13 Jay’s welcomes Hugh Ragin/trumpet with thee original Monster Trux Trio (Applegate, Raynes, Sloniker)…this quartet is always a wonderful magical mystery tour (tour de force, de farce, deo) 8:30-11:30.

Saturday 11/14 Jay’s features Tina Marx/voice, Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano. Tina brings a wonderful selection of the familiar and the surprising to the Bistro stage (8:30-11:30).

Upcoming: Friday 11/20 Andrew Vogt/sax. Saturday 11/21 Mandy Harvey/voice. Saturday 11/28 Colleen Crosson/voice.

Thanks for Listening,
Mark

10/22/2009

Dear E-Friends,

My friend CW (thanks CW…she’s at it again) sent these to me last week. And they are quite fun! But first a noteworthy word about jazz @ jay’s!

Thursday 10/22 Jay’s Bistro (6:30-10:30) Mark Sloniker/piano for openers, then Gene Libbea/bass gets on bass and the hits keep coming (as well as assorted guests including, Mandy Harvey with songs from her new CD “Smile”).

Friday 10/23 Jay’s plays host to Ryan Fourt/guitar, Matt Smiley/bass and Mark(s) Raynes & Sloniker/drums & piano (8:30-11:30). We’ll do some tunes from Ryan’s new CD (Choose One).

Saturday 10/24 (8:30-11:30) Jay’s Bistro features Colleen Crosson/vocals, Roger Barnhart/bass and me on key(s)…and we’ll do a tune or three from Colleen’s (and My) (relatively) new CD “Miracles”.

Upcoming: Kevin Whalen/trumpet Friday 10/30. Billy Hundley/voice Saturday 10/31 (that’s Halloween in most galaxies). Hugh Ragin/trumpet Friday 11/13 (that’s Friday the thirteenth in this galaxy).

Thanks, as always for listening! Now how about those PROOPHREEDING fiascos…

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No kidding, really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
The-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!

10/14/2009

Wednesday 10/14 Jay’s Bistro (7-10) We have the latest edition of Monster Trux Trio w/ Roger Barnhart/bass, Mark(s) Raynes & Sloniker/drums/piano and very special guest vocalist, Mandy Harvey (8pm). We’ve got all the basses covered.

Thursday 10/15 Jay’s Bistro (6:30-10:30) Mark (me) Sloniker is the lead off hitter with a hit single then stealing second as well as all the basses (double that is). Except Gene Libbea’s, who will get a bass on balls and score big time in the bottom of Beethoven’s 9th. Pinch hitters (don’t be fresh) will bat us in, in what ever way strikes your fancy.

Friday 10/16 Jay’s Batting-Cage-Bistro (8:30-11:30) Nothing to frett about here as we swing for the fence with guitarist, Grant Gordy, Matt Smiley/first bass, Mark Raynes/drumming up some hits and short stop, Mark Sloniker getting the runs he needs (from too much pop corn and peanuts).

Saturday 10/17 Jay’s Batter-fried Bistro (get your beah heah) bedazzles you with “Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend” as you listen from your Bach’s seats…as they throw it round the horn…the final score is 547 for good measure! Mary Buirgy/voice, Gene Libbea/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano.

Next week(s) line-up = Ryan Fourt/guitar Friday 10/23. Colleen Crosson/voice Saturday 10/24. Billy Hundley/voice Saturday 10/31!!! Last one to the double bar is Fine (i.e. feenay)!

Mark

9/18/2009

I’m so glad 50 is the new 40. Now I can keep on working until I’m 80 (80 is the new 65, don’t you know). And if you’ve been watching the news (sports, politics, music…you name it), Rude is the new nice. Unchecked anger is the new candor. Harass-ity is the new humility and acting like a two year old (on a bad day) is the new surefire way to raise campaign money. So the next time you see someone pooping their pants, biting, kicking, screaming or otherwise engaging in what used to be inappropriate and disrespectful or infantile behavior….don’t take it personally. They probably just need the money (and/or the attention).

Sometimes I think the whole human race should be sent to its room where it can have a little quiet time to think about what it said…maybe that’s where we are now…”lost out here in the stars”…

Like all jazz musicians (you know the difference between a jazz musician and a large pizza? The large pizza CAN feed a family of four), I refuse to accept the status quo that Rude IS the new nice. I’m going to take what my momma taught me and apply it to the best of my ability!

This week I’m sending all my love to everyone…people of all political parties, athletes of all sports, musicians of all styles, people of all lands and walks of life (if you are breathing, I am sending my love to you! Even if you’re not!). I’m sending my love to sea creatures and land creatures and rocks (never take rocks for granite) and plants (because we need to get back to our roots). I’m even sending my love to meano heads, to the rude, to the gnarly naysayers of negativity (please note that sending one’s love does not constitute approving of one’s behavior). I’m sending my love to friends and enemies alike (I’m trying to remember who it was that said, “Love your enemies”…). I’m sending love to the moon and sun and to ALL the stars in this tiny galaxy and this even tinier universe.

AND I know that many of you are sending yours back. I know because I can feel it (which is one thing that I CAN do that a large pizza can’t) because like me, you too refuse to accept the notion that rude trumps love! I’ve done rude and thank God my momma sent me to my room, where I realized that kindness is always the sweetest seat in the house.

OR to paraphrase the words of an old Sufi poet (who will celebrate his eight hundred and second birthday this Sunday)
“This time when you and I sit here, many bodies with one soul
We’re a garden, with plants and birdsong moving through us like rain.
We don’t listen to stories full of anger or meanness.
We feed on laughter and a tenderness we hear around us
When we’re together. “***

We will be feeding on laughter and love and the tenderness and mischievousness of jazz this weekend and next week. Join us if you can!

Friday 9/18 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) Dave Lunn/sax, Mark Raynes/drums, Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano.

Saturday 9/19 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) Colleen Crosson/voice, Maty Rein/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano.

Wednesday 9/23 special guests include Andrew Vogt/sax and Forest Greenough/bass.
Thursday 9/24 Mike Davis/guitar.
Friday 9/25 Hugh Ragin/trumpet & Forest Greenough/bass
Saturday 9/26 Tina Marx

As always, thanks for listening!
Mark

***Colman Barks translation of Rumi from “The Hand of Poetry”

9/2/2009

E-Friends,

Tonight (9/2), Jazz @ Jay’s presents Mandy Harvey as our special guest at 8pm! The very cool trio (Mark Raynes/drums, Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano starts at 7 and plays until 10pm.

Thursday (9/3) Jay’s features Mark Sloniker/piano, Roger Barnhart/bass and a host of guests or should that be a guest of hosts or perhaps I should stop second guesting myself (7:00-10:30).

Friday (9/4) Jay’s welcomes Grant Gordy/guitar back from his travels with David Grisman. Also featured are Erik Applegate/bass and Mark(s) Raynes and Sloniker on drums and piano respectively or would that be disrespectively? (8:30-11:30).

Saturday (9/5) Jay’s hosts as my best guestimate…Billy Hundley/voice, Roger Barnhart/bass and moi on the keys.

Please be our guest (if you haven’t guest by now)! Thanks,

Mark

8/25/2009

Our E-Bro Bob sent me these fun facts about life in the 1500s (thanks Bob). I threw in some commentary here and there. But first, news of jazz in store for anyone so desiring it:

Wednesday 8/26 (7-10) Jay’s Bistro: Marty Kenny/bass, Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/piano with Jamie Blanko/horn.

Thursday 8/27 (6:30-10:30) Mark Sloniker/piano hosts some wonderful special guests and a bass player who will be named at a later date.

Friday 8/28 Jay’s welcomes Roger Barnhart/bass, Mark Raynes/drums, Andrew Vogt/sax and Mark Sloniker/piano (8:30-11:30).

Saturday 8/29 Jay’s welcomes Mandy Harvey/voice (we are just about finished with her recording) Gene Libbea/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano (8:30-11:30)

Here are some facts about the 1500s:

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor" But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...........they "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

I always urined to live in the 1500s.

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell . .. . brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

the flower children of the 1960s were retro

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

where was/were social services when you really needed ‘em

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

this is one of my pet peeves about the 1500s

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

this is where blanket coverage insurance came from…

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

okay, so who thinks things are really bad now-a-days?

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

fast food is looking better and better

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

bringing new meaning to the term…”going hog wild”

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

my son still thinks they are

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

I feel like such a heal for loafing on the job

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

”he’s not dead yet…”

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer...once they dug him up, they’d say he bares a “striking resemblance to his dead brother”

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

So . . . get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share these facts with a friend like I just did! ! !

8/18/2009

My friend and yoga teacher Z.A. who lives in Hawaii sent me these church bulletin “typos”. If you have a minute, they are Gloriously funny! As some of you might know, I lead a double life as a piano player by night in a bistro and a piano player by day in a church (although sometimes when I close my eyes while playing, I forget which one I’m in…they are both so deliciously sweet and kind spots in which to be!). The baroque composer, J.S. Bach did the church thing most of his life (they called his position, capel meister), but missed out on the bistro gig, which is probably why he wrote so few blues tunes. Although once, when he was trying to finish the B Minor Mass in time for its performance, he sent a teaching assistant to his class (churches were, after all, schools as well back then), and when it was discovered that he missed his class, he was docked and reprimanded for…writing the (famous) B Minor Mass. Maybe I should write a blues tune about that?! (Bach’s Blinkin’ B Minor Blues) In the mean time (and what’s SO mean about the “mean time”) there’s jazz being made at the bistro all this week (and next) with some VERY, VERY special guests!!!

Wednesday 8/19 Jay’s Bistro (7-10pm) - Andrew Vogt is our special guest with Roger Barnhart/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker/piano.

Thursday 8/20 Jay’s features bassist, Gene Libbea and pianist, Mark Sloniker with some special guests sitting in as the evening proceeds into night. Gene has such a wonderful way with the bass. It’s always a treat to have him at the bistro (8:30-11:30).

Friday 8/21 - Our friend JAMES ANDERSON/jazz violin, is back from LONDON (England) as opposed to London, Kentucky (nothing against London, Kentucky…I came back from there once). James used to sit in with us back when he was a high school student. He is now just finishing his master’s degree in England, and back here for a minute in between adventures. He is joined by Erik Applegate/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and yours truly on piano.

Saturday 8/22 - Vocalist, Tina Marx joins Roger Barnhart and me for a wonderful evening of vocal standards and jazz et al…with guitar/sitar man, Anthony Walker sitting in some (8:30-11:30).

Friday 9/4 - We welcome GRANT GORDY/guitar, back from his ongoing adventures with David Grisman’s group. Grant doesn’t get up this way very often so by all “means” join us at Jay’s for that.

Thanks! Mark

They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2008 Release).

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
'Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large DOUBLE DOOR at the side entrance.


The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan:
Last Sunday: ''I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'

8/13/2009

Good jazz can be had at Jay’s Bistro:
Thursday 8/13 (7-10:30) Ron Cottingham/guitar & Mark Sloniker/piano with special guests aplenty!

Also tonight, my son Myles’ band Bruce and the Deadites are at Avo’s for a free show (call for details 970.493.5555).

Friday 8/14 Hugh Ragin/trumpet, Matt Smiley/bass Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker/piano…one ton o’ fun on the run!

Saturday 8/15 (8:30-11:30) Colleen Crosson/vocals, Roger Barnhart/bass and moi/piano…take a break from New West and drop in.

We just got back from a quick trip to Steamboat (aka “the Boat”) for a last minute getaway before the school year begins. Yes, I know this is way too early to start the school year. Yes, everybody I speak with feels the same way. No, nobody appears to know how to correct this gross malfeasance of fairness. Yes, everybody who has spoken out about this has disappeared in the night…no trace! Yes, it’s just like health-care fiasco…wait there’s someone at the door. I’ll be right back

8/04/2009

E-Friends,

My friend Frank sent me this enlightening report on health care (or should that be called “health apathy”)…followed by high spirited jazz…which is toe-tappingly good for the sole…a walking bass line is a step in the right (or should that be left) direction and a drum roll has no cholesterol…oh WELL

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the butt heads* in Washington.

Wednesday 8/5 Thee One thee only Monster Trux Jazz Trio with special guest Mandy Harvey on Vocals 7ish to 10ish.

Thursday 8/6 bassist Marty Kenny and Mark Sloniker duo it up and then are joined by some special guests 7-10:30.

Friday 8/7 Vocalist Billy Hundley joins Monster Trux Trio for a fun filled romp the fields of jazz!

Saturday 8/8 Wendy Fopeano wends her way up from Denver, Matt Smiley Smiles his way in from UNC and Mark Sloniker slonicarlessly slithers his way into the impending bloom of a jazz feast for your ears (corny as it may sound).

Next week 8/14 Hugh Ragin is back from Europe with Matt Smiley, Mark Raynes and you know who!? All events listed above are at Jay’s Bistro…Jay’s is the word for Jazz in Jort Collins! Free health care to the first fifty listeners (dental too)! I know a senator who will put us on his family plan!
Mark (Sturgeon General) Sloniker

*because that’s what they seem to do best…butt heads…!

8/01/2009

A quick note – that many notes both quick and not so quick will ensue tonight at Jay’s Bistro! It’s trumpet man Hugh Ragin with bassist Marty Kenny and yours truly on piano (8:30-11:30)

And more good stuff next week with vocalists: Mandy Harvey Wednesday 8/5, Billy Hundley on Friday 8/7 and Wendy Fopeano on Saturday 8/8. ‘Should be fun!

Thanks for Listening,
Mark

7/20/2009

Tonight, we celebrate and whole-heartedly thank our soul brother and friend Dave Espinosa-Aguilar for his wonderful work as my webmaster for the past fourteen years. Dave (or dave, as he prefers to write his name) designed my original website and kept it current (and as we know, sometimes that was quite a chore, keeping me on task). Thanks so much, dave, not just for the fabulous website and constant care, but for getting behind my music and bringing such inspiring energy to us!

While we shall miss dave as our webmaster, he continues to be a great friend and family member right on through the remainder of this time-space-continuum-universe, and then some.

And therein lies the sweet passing of the web-torch to our new webmaster, Mike Barry, of Fort Collins Web Works. Mike has created an exciting, new website that is well worth checking out. I feel so lucky and blessed to get to work with both these guys! So go ahead and drop in on the new site, www.marksloniker.com when you get a chance and you can say a howdy to Mike as well.

Here’s the news regarding jazz@jay’s! Come on down and see us soon!

Wednesday 7/22 (7-10) Jay’s Bistro with Jamie Blanko/sax, Matt Smiley/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and me at the piano. Good Jazz, cool digs!

Thursday 7/23 Jay’s (6:30-10:30) Mark Sloniker/piano is joined by Gene Libbea/bass at 7:30 and then by more special guests as the night progresses!

Friday 7/24 Jay’s (8:30-11:30) Andrew Vogt/sax, Matt Smiley/bass and Mark(s) Raynes & Sloniker/drums & piano.

Saturday 7/25 Jay’s (7:30-10:30) Mary Buirgy/vocals is joined by Gene Libbea/bass and Bob Montgomery/piano.

Friday 7/31 Jay’s Bistro welcomes Ryan Fourt/guitar, Erik Applegate/bass and Mark Raynes/drums (7:30-10:30).

Thanks for listening!
Mark

7/17/2009

Tonight’s the night to catch Grant Gordy/guitar at Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) with Mark Raynes/drums, Marty Kenny/bass and Mark Me/piano!

Tomorrow night’s the night to catch Colleen Crosson/vocals, Marty Rein/bass and Me Mark/piano at Jay’s (8:30-11:30).

Thanks for Listening!
Mark

Thanks to all who made it over to the Lagoon last Wednesday and made it such a way cool night!

7/8/2009

Here’s some more summer fun. This week is “jazz experience” week with lots of live jazz especially on Saturday (7/11). Please come out and join us when and where you can. It’s always a joy to play for you! Mark

Wednesday 7/8 our special guest at Jay’s will be trumpeter, Kevin Whalen! Mark Raynes/drums and Marty Kenny/bass and me/piano 7-10.

Thursday 7/9 Jay’s Bistro 6:30-10:30 Mark Sloniker/piano and Roger Barnhart/bass host an array of special guests! It’s fun and COOL!

Friday 7/10 Jay’s features Dave Lunn/sax, Richard Mikel/a new face on bass, Mark(s) Raynes & Sloniker/drums & piano.

Sat., 7/11, 4-5 pm – Mark Sloniker, Hugh Ragin and friends (Erik Applegate and Mark Raynes) at the Oak Street Plaza Stage for the Fort Collins Jazz Experience

Sat. 7-11 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) Wendy Fopeano/voice, Erik Applegate/bass & Mark Sloniker/piano.

Mark Sloniker and Colleen Crosson CD release concert at Avo’s – Sunday, 7/12, 7 pm on the outside patio. An intimate setting featuring songs from our new release “Miracles…and other works of heart”! $10 at the door

CSU Lagoon concert features Crosson, Sloniker and Mark Raynes and Marty Kenny, Wednesday 7/15, 6:30 pm (at the you-guessed-it CSU Lagoon)

Friday 7/17 Grant Gordy/guitar. Saturday 7/18 Colleen Crosson/voice. Friday 7/24 Andrew Vogt/sax.

7/2/2009

Happy Independence Day (weekend)!!! Here’s where to find us and when…

Thursday July 2nd Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano will welcome vocalists Mandy Harvey, Jane Kindsfatter and Cynthia Vaughn and more at Jay’s Bisrto 6:30-10:30.

Friday July 3rd Jay’s presents vocalist Billy Hundley, drummer Mark Raynes, Roger Barnhart/bass and M.S./piano…8:30-11:30 this will be lots of fun and I do a 6-8 solo set for you fun early birds!

“Help a Local Hero July 4th Celebration” – Avo’s, 2-8 pm (Colleen and Mark perform 4-5:30 pm). Admission $10 with all admission proceeds going to “Homes for Our Troops” and specifically local war hero SSgt John Jones!

Please note, Saturday July 4th the Bistro will be closed for Independence Day.

Noon Time Notes - Tues. 7/7 Colleen Crosson & Mark Sloniker (11:30-1pm) Oak Street Plaza. We’ll perform mostly jazz in anticipation of the upcoming Fort Collins Jazz Experience that weekend (see below!)

Wednesday 7/8 our special guest at Jay’s will be trumpeter, Kevin Whalen!
Friday 7/10 Jay’s features our quartet with Dave Lunn!

Sat., 7/11, 4-5 pm – Mark Sloniker, Hugh Ragin and friends (Erik Applegate and Mark Raynes) at the Oak Street Plaza Stage for the Fort Collins Jazz Experience

Mark Sloniker and Colleen Crosson CD release concert at Avo’s – Sunday, 7/12, 7 pm on the outside patio. An intimate setting featuring songs from our new release “Miracles…and other works of heart”! $10 at the door

CSU Lagoon concert features Crosson, Sloniker and Mark Raynes and Marty Kenny, Wednesday 7/15, 6:30 pm (at the you-guessed-it CSU Lagoon)

Please join us when and where you can…as always it’s truly a joy to play for you!

Mark

6/23/2009

Dear E-Friends,

Check out Woody’s “My Next Life” idea.

My Next Life by Woody Allen
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension and then, when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol and are generally promiscuous and then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid and you play. You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born; and then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then... Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! I rest my case.

If being dyslexic is a good introduction to “living life backwards”, then I’m off to a stellar start (I can reverse anything, in-a-single-bound)! And some parallel backwards universe may be having an influence on me right now because I feel myself getting more child-like, quizzical, goofier and playful-er as time goes by…or should that be…as time goes yb! And speaking of “yb”…”why-be” glum, even if lots of things have been falling apart lately. After all, the phoenix rises out of its own ashes (i.e. no ashes – no rising). Poet Robert Bly writes that it is through the ashes of our old world that we so sweetly emerge into the sparkle and joyful exuberance of our new world. Sufi poet Rumi’s dervish dance and subsequent poetic “divan” are both products of his grief, due to losing his soul friend, Shams to an untimely death (as Coleman Barks so wonderfully illuminates and perhaps ruminates in “The Soul of Rumi”). Einstein reports, nothing is ever lost, it just change places or shapes, or addresses…even Jesus and Buddha inform us we are living in a world where nothing is permanent (see “The Parallel Sayings of Jesus and Buddha” edited by Marcus Borg, page 50). Whether you’re a quantum physicist or a Rastafarian (or both, or anything in between), everything goes up in smoke. And when the smoke clears…the ashes are waiting for us: building blocks of the next planet, star, galaxy, universe. AND One of the things I love best in THIS (particular) universe is music (jazz, specifically) and so I ask myself “y-b”…why-be far from the things you love? So, I’m planning on cooking up some tunes with some fine musical friends here soon. It’d be a joy to play for you (all music will be created from recycled old music). Here’s where!

Wednesday 6/24 Jay’s Bistro (7-10) Matt Smiley/bass, Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/ash derived piano and special guest (he joins us around 8) Ron Cottingham/guitar will play “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” (if double dared)…NOTE Jay’s is a non-smoking establishment, so no actual smoke will get in anyone’s eyes during said performance.

Thursday 6/25 Jay’s hosts Roger Barnhart/bass with a good chance of vocalist(s) Mandy Harvey and/or Jane Kindsfater in the later portion of the evening. Music commences at 6:30 with Mark Sloniker playing the piano, and ends around 10:30.

Friday 6/26 Jay’s Bistro finds Ryan Fourt celebrating the release of a new CD (which we will be sampling from) with the “likes” of John Olson/drums (we don’t get John up here very often so let’s enjoy him while we can), Marty Kenny/bass (what a guy!) and yours truly at the piano. Ryan writes very cool tunes and plays beautiful guitar…this is a not-to-be-missed-event and a great time to pick up his new CD.

Saturday6/27 Jay’s Bistro finds vocalist Colleen Crosson joining Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano in an evening of celebrated song. We may even do some from our (Colleen’s and Mark’s) new CD which is due out very soon (possibly on this night). Which reminds me…

On Tuesday June 30th Colleen and I will “open” for Deepak Chopra’s appearance at the Lincoln Center here in Fort Collins (and we WILL have CDs available then and there.

Other cool dates and events coming up in July are:

“Help a Local Hero July 4th Celebration” – Avo’s, 2-8 pm (Colleen and Mark perform 4-5:30 pm). Admission $10 with all admission proceeds going to “Homes for Our Troops” and specifically local war hero SSgt John Jones!

Noon Time Notes - Tues. 7/7 Colleen Crosson & Mark Sloniker (11:30-1pm) Oak Street Plaza. We’ll perform mostly jazz in anticipation of the upcoming Fort Collins Jazz Experience that weekend (see below!)

Sat., 7/11, 4-5 pm – Mark Sloniker, Hugh Ragin and friends at the Oak Street Plaza Stage for the Fort Collins Jazz Experience.

Mark Sloniker and Colleen Crosson CD release concert at Avo’s – Sunday, 7/12, 7 pm on the outside patio. An intimate setting featuring songs from our new release “Miracles…and other works of heart”! $10 at the door

CSU Lagoon concert features Crosson, Sloniker and Mark Raynes Wednesday 7/15, 6:30 pm (at the you-guessed-it CSU Lagoon)

Please join us when and where you can…as always it’s truly a joy to play for you!
Mark

 

6/16/2009

Howdy!

Thanks to John P. for sending me these "answers" supplied by kids on Music tests...now we ALL know the correct responses to such questions...the answers follow our music e-fomercial on upcoming gigs.

Tuesday, June 30th Colleen Crosson and I will open for Depak Chopra at the Fort Collins Lincoln Center. You can call the box office for ticket information (970.221.6730 or www.lctix.com)or go to www.bellaspark.com for more info. I have great respect and admiration for Depak Chopra. I have enjoyed his books and have greatly appreciated his intellect and his insight, his humility and his humanity. This night also marks the debut of our new CD "Miracles...and other works of heart" which sort of chronicles our journey on what Carlos Casteneda (or should I say Don Juan) called the "Paths of Heart". This is a CD of songs (68 minutes of songs) we wrote; I would call them "Heart Songs" (I will be saying more later regarding this recording...but we are very happy to have completed this CD for the June 30 celebration). Duke Ellington once said, "Don't give me time - give me a deadline!" That quote happily applies to this occaision. This could be the event of the season.

TOMORROW: Wednesday June 17th: Jay's Bistro brings us a bountiful bevy of goodness. Vocalist, Mandy Harvey will start off the evening with some selections from a new recording that we are working on with the likes of Erik Applegate/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and yours truly/piano. Andrew Vogt will join us by and by. And hopefully play a bit with Mandy too, as he will be joining us on that recording! (7-10) This could be the event of the season.

Thursday 6/18 (8:30-11:30) Jay's is the place for Gene Libbea/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano to duo and then be joined by some fine guests. Also at any point in the evening, saxsational Jamie Blanko just may appear and make some dulcet sounds with us. Come and see what happens as it unfolds. This could be the event of the season.

Friday, 6/19 Andrew Vogt returns to the scene of the grime (that's the dirt on that) with the same hip cool rhythm section as Wednesday (8:30-11:30). This could be the event of the season.

Saturday 6/20 Jay's Bistro features vocal talent Tina Marx along with Marty Kenny/bass and Mark (third person) Sloniker/piano and special guest Anthony Walker/electric sitar, electric guitar, electric etc...This could be the event of the season.

Later In JUNE: Wednesday 6/24 Matt Smiley/bass. Friday 6/26 Ryan Fourt/guitar and CD release celebration of his own. This gig includes John Olson/drums. Saturday 6/27 Colleen Crosson. These could be...well you know what I'm saying...thee event of the season...

And now with no further ado, the answers we've all been waiting for...thanks for listening!
Mark

CHILDREN'S ANSWERS IN MUSIC EDUCATION.

These are stories and test questions accumulated by music Teachers in the state of Missouri, circa 1989. Source: Missouri School Music Newsletter.

• It is important to be able to reach the brakes on any piano.
• Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to Make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
• It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the Neck and shake him in rhythm.
• My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play, People hardly ever play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
• I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would Tomorrow or Friday be best?
• The plural form of musical instrument is known as orchestra.
• Tubas are a bit too much.
• A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only the opposite.
• The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
• The flute is a skinny-shape- high-sounded instrument.
• Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word used by many Player-types.
• Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be the conductor.
• The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.
• For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every Line of flute music. You just watch.
• The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits In the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a Person is elected concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn How to play a violin real good.
• Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument? Answer: Yes.
• Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble.
• A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
• Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
• Question: What are kettle drums called? Answer: Kettle drums.
• When electric currents go through them, guitars start making Sounds. So would anybody.
• The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and Bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
• While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
• A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
• Another name for kettle drums is timpani. Or else you can just Stick with the first name and learn it good.
• Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.
• You should always say 'chili' when you mean there are two or More cellos.
• A tuba is much larger than its name.
• A harp is a nude piano.
• My favorite composer is Opus.
• My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
• Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
• Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long Ago.
• Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people Were happy.
• A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps On the odium.
• Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice And said he would go a long way. So that's why he came to America.
• I know what a sextet is but I'm not allowed to say.
• Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
• When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any Passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it From hurting.
• In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one He really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all Live happily ever after.
• An opera is a song of bigly size.
• Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary Composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most Composers do not live until they are dead.
• Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever Heard of.
• Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so Deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even When everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so Good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
• Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was Rather large.
• John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
• A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
• Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you Better not try to sing.
• Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

 

6/9/2009

Some great musical fun is in store for you at Jay’s this week!

Wednesday 6/10 (7-10) Our original Monster Trux Trio (that’s right, Mark Raynes, Erik Applegate & Mark Sloniker) with special guest Jamie Blanko (one of our longest running jazz friends at Jay’s) and saxsational musical marvel! Favorite tunes from our repertoire and some new things too!

Thursday 6/11 (7-10:30) Bass man, Marty Kenny joins Mark Sloniker/piano for some inspired duo music AND special guest Mandy Harvey (we are getting ready to hit the studio with Mandy’s debut recording) sits in. Other guests may join us as well.

Friday 6/12 (8:30-11:30) Trumpeter, Kevin Whalen is back with us after a tour back east with his trumpet ensemble. He joins thee Monster Trux Trio (same suave trio from Wednesday night).

Saturday 6/13 (8:30-11:30) Two fine vocalists join us for some trio jazz. Mandy Harvey joins Erik Applegate/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano for a preview of her upcoming recording project (at 8:30). Then Jane Kindsfater joins Applegate/Sloniker for the second set around 10pm.

Andrew Vogt plays the guest set on Wednesday 6/17 and is with us for the whole night Friday the 19th. Ryan Fourt debuts his new CD Friday the 26th. And Colleen Crosson sings Saturday the 27th.

And by the way the new Colleen Crosson/Mark Sloniker song CD – “Miracles (and other works of Heart)” is due out at the end of the month!

As Always, thanks for listening!
Mark

 

5/30/2009

Just a quick word that Roger Barnhart (bass) and I will host two wonderful singers tonight at Jay’s Bistro: Tina Marx will start things off at 8:30 and Jane Kinnsfodder will do the second set around 10pm. Both of these fine vocalists have rich and unique styles and draw from a nicely varied book of tunes. So come on down for some fine fun! Also, trumpeter Hugh Ragin will be here at the Bistro next Friday (6/5) at 8:30)!

 

5/21/2009

We guarrentee you a happy passage to delight when you board the U.S.S. Bistro for a jazzy journey. Ship out with us (and a bit o’ port). Your crew will steer you into a bon yoyage on the high Cs with a whale of a good time for sure:

Thursday 21st Ron Cottingham/guitar will sail you through any storm while piano man mark(sloniker) breaks the waves (and the wind) with that fish story of the scale that got away! (7-10:30). Permission to come aboard, granted!

Friday 22nd Peter Sommer takes the helm (and sends sloniker to the brigg…he always was a little dhingy). Drummer Mark Raynes sings “Yo ho ho and a bottle of Rum” while bassist, Erik Applegate walks the bass and the plank (8:30-11:30).

…at this point (yes it took this long) I am realizing that the “spell corrrrect” on my compooper is dead or turrrned offfff….so we may be in for some rough “Cs” (not to mention all the othur letturs in the Al Fabet (he’s a middle eastern poet, I think)

Saturday 23rd Collen Crosson is discovered as a stow-away on the boat and made to sing for her supper. She and bassist, Roger Barnhart launch a mutiny on the Bistro (Rum for everyone who helps them) they cast Capm’ Sloniker into a oar boat (he always was a little dingy) and rename the ship the Lounge Lizerd (a pirate ship for sure) and…and…and…

Well if you want to know what happens you’ll just have to gang way and ship out…ya sorry bunch o’ land lubbers…raise the mid-sul, lower the boom, cast off for parts unknown…(unsteady as she goes)……..

Yours truly,
Capm’ Jack Sloniker (he always was a little dinghy…)

 

5/13/2009

Ancient folk lore has it that the cat was created when a lion sneezed…modern science informs us that the jazz cat was created when a lion hicupped…all eccept for drummers which have something to do with Tigger breaking wind and piano players which come from crossing a fine lion with a Heffalump (silly old bear).

Jazz cats – Tiggers, Heffalumps and all will be creating a joyful noise (of sorts) at Jay’s Bistro very soon…no ifs and Eeores or buts. Owl get back to ya with the details….

Wednesday May 13th (is this a georgous spring or what) Jazz @ Jay’s with Gene Libbea/bass, Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/piano and Andrew Vogt/sax from 7-10 pm…fine and sweet music will be served…(if you want to be out on the patio – we pipe the jazz right out there).

Thursday May 14th Gene Libbea/bass (by the way, this is an all Gene Libbea week – double grammy award winner…when Gene snezzed, I was invented) and Mark Sloniker/piano (7-10:30) with the likely special appearance of Jane Kinnsfodder/voice although I aint makin’ no promises!

Friday May 15th Grant Gordy/guitar, Gene Libbea/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker/piano (8:30-11:30). This is a must see/hear band and nothing to sneeze at!

Saturday May 16th Mary Buirgy/voice, Gene Libbea/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano…they perform selections from Mary’s CD, “Beautiful Love”

Upcoming:
Wednesday May 20th features Erik Applegate,
Friday May 22nd features Pere Sommer, sax.
Saturday May 23rd features Colleen Crosson/voice.

Thanks for Listening!
Mark

 

4/29/2009

Howdy,

There was a little break in at our house yesterday. It went something like this: While we were meeting with Anny and Brian about the e-mendousness and e-normous power of music (and the internet, which makes possible some of the forward thinking ideas of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Robin Hood)…well, our new kitten, Tom (more like an adolescent than a child) broke into our spice cabinet and availed himself of the catnip. Not a small amount of cat nip, nor did he do it only for himself. He, while still on the counter (as best as I can forensically put “two and two together”) tore open this cloth bag burgeoning with the until-now controlled substance and let it spew about to the entire cat population of our household (that would include Grey and Lizzy) who crouched somewhat perplexed on the kitchen floor below him, thinking, “why didn’t I think of that!” and “Free at last, free at last!” simultaneously. What alerted us to the malfeasance being perpetrated at the time was an inordinant amount of rambunctious noise and crashing objects coming from behind closed doors where cats were usually napping (as opposed to nipping) this time of day. I entered onto the scene to witness cats doing swan dives and belly flops off of the counter and into this humongous cloud of happiness…they were even jumping in slow motion (how’d they do that?). They were beckoning each other on with crazy cat calls between back flips and breast strokes across the kitchen floor - the last time I was even close to this happy was last week when the Dow gained like five points (no I wasn’t…I’m not sure I’ve ever been this happy). So I did what any rational cat “owner” would do - I joined them, with a cannon ball or two off the cappuccino maker (this might be the first ever instance of intoxication of a human from catnip) or mabe it was just spring time in the Rockies for this middle aged (but young at heart) jazz cat. Whatever it was, I want more!

The intoxicating effects of jazz can be experienced in the following spots and at the following times (BYO Catnip):

Wednesday 4/29 - Jay’s Bistro (7-10) Monster Cats (I mean Trux) Trio (Marty Kenny/bass, Marks Raynes and Sloniker/drums and piano) with special guest Ron Cottingham/guitar. We will featured some tunes by Chick Corea and Herbie Hancock.

Thursday 4/30 - Jay’s (7-10:30) Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano with some special guests (who will be named when we know who they are…this IS jazz after all).

Friday May 1st - Jay’s Bistro welcomes Andrew Vogt/sax, Gene Libbea/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker/piano. We will play some of Andrew’s tunes and some of Mark’s tunes amidst much more music.

Saturday May 2nd - Jay’s Bistro features vocalist, Mandy Harvey (8:30-9:45); then vocalist, Tina Marx (10-11:15) with Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano. These two wonderful singers are newer to the Bistro and very much worth hearing. So come on down!

Upcoming at Jay’s:
Wednesday 5/6 features bassist Matt Smiley.
Friday 5/8 features Ryan Fourt and Erik Applegate.

Thanks for listening!
Mark

 

4/23/2009

Hey, this is late again (am I going to have to fire myself again for this lackadaisical tardiness)?

Thursday 4/23 Jay’s Bistro Day-After-Earth-Day-Special…all music has been recycled from tunes we didn’t play on Earth Day…all half notes-half off…Gene Libbea/bass price and Mark Sloniker/piano (not his) forte…assorted guests…BYO carbon footprint and we’ll shine your sole, keep you from feeling like a heel and assign you a nice pair of flats.

Friday 4/24 Hugh Ragin at the Bistro playing eco-friendly trumpet (just had a valve job)…mark raynes, mark sloniker and Dr. Forest Greenough will play a very green set (we’re never exhausted). Hey, pipe down! (8:30-11:30)

Saturday, 4/25 Jay’s features Billy Hundley/voice, Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano (8:30-11:30).

Wed. 4/29 Ron Cottingham/guitar. Andrew Vogt, Friday 5/1

Happy Earth Day to you, pretty earth momma!!!
Mark

4/15/2009

Woops. I was delinquent in sending this week’s line up out for jazz @ jay’s. Two things: this Thursday we play at “The Taste” from 4:30-8pm. This event was started by Jay of Jay’s Bistro 15 or was it 16 years ago. It is my 14th Taste and it looks like we have raised over a million dollars for Larimer County Food Bank and Neighbor to Neighbor in those years…thanks to so many wonderful sponsors and participants. Many Thanks!!! Look down the page for more info on that.

Thing Two: Hugh Ragin will be with us at the Bistro Friday April 24th (8:30-11:30) with Dr. Forest Greenough/bass and Mark Raynes/drums. It’s been a while since we have had Hugh up here on a Friday (with the quartet) and it should be good.

Okay, here’s this week’s stuff…and beyond…

Wednesday (4/15) Jay’s Bistro (7-10) Thee Original Monster Trux Trio (Mark Raynes/drums, Erik Applegate/bass and me/piano) will play trio music from 7-8 and then we welcome vocalist, Tina Marx (of Tina Marx and the Millionaires) to the stage for her debut set at Jay’s (she brings a fine voice and wonderful presence to the Bistro). I know you will enjoy it! Bring your taxes if you haven’t yet finished them and we will play “They Can’t Take That Away From Me” just for grins.

Thursday 4/16 We are at THE TASTE (for more info call 970-488-2368 or go to www.tastebenefit.org) “We” are: John Olson, Oscar DeZoto, Roger Barnhart, Gene Libbea, Jim Franzen, Ryan Marvel, Mike Davis and Mark Sloniker…Big Thanks to all these fine musicians for donating their time and talent to this event. Come on down, we’d love to play for you.

Friday 4/17 Jay’s (8:30-11:30) Grant Gordy/guitar (of the David Grisman Band), Marty Kenny/bass (of UNC) Mark Raynes/drums (of Denver) and Mark Sloniker/piano (of thee I sing). This will be a super night of music.

Saturday 4/18 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) Our wonderful friend and fine, Denver based vocalist, Wendy Fopeano with the amazing bassist, Matt Smiley and yours truly (well mostly truly) on the piano. This should be quite wonderful as well. More wonderfulness ensues…

Upcoming: Gene Libbea/bass Thurs. 4/23. Billy Hundley/voice Sat. 4/25. Andrew Vogt/sax Fri. May 1st.

As always, Thanks for Listening, Mark

4/4/2009

Okay, here’s the senario: A huge rock comes out of left field (well, left field cosmologically speaking)…like it’s a defector of the Kieper Belt or Saturn’s suspenders or Uranus’ thong (hey no wise cracks now) (you know it wouldn’t be the first time) and it just totally wallops our sweet lovely blue planet…Booooooooooooooooooommmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!...and when the dust clears (after a century…or would that be a millenium…as in the Millenium Falcon) low and behold, humans have vanished off of the…well you know what I mean. Actually, humans haven’t vanished: humans are the NEW dinosaurs, just waiting to power the next life form’s gas guzzling eco-wrecking transport system. Can you say “fossil fuel”…the term my offspring use to describe me and my wallet. Oops, I digress, or should that be decompose (or is that what dyslexic song writers do?). Anyway, big rock! Big BOOM! Big destruction! No more Us!...Here’s the question (wait for it)…Would you take it personally?! Would you??? take it…personally??? You know, you’re sitting there in your car next to the pumps at the all-nite gas ‘n’ go, you just paid them all the cash you had for your fill-up…except that $3 in the funny flap in your wallet and you see that $3 and decide “what-the-heck”, it’s my last $3, give me one of those power ball tickets, yeah, that one, I want THAT one! You take it out to the car and scratch it and…SHAZAMM!!! You just won 47 million dollars! You reach in the glove box for the calculator and realize after a few quick calculations “Why, I can probably quit my second job…and sleep in on Thursdays.” You look up and…DOUBLE SHAZAMM…a rock the size of Texas is heading right for you and your power ball ticket and this whole kitten-kaboodle we call home!

Would you take it personally?

OR: What if this Tex-a-rock managed to wipe out everyone else BUT you? (that would be part “B” of this question). (If you answer “NO” on part “B” go straight to part C.) Part C: What if it was just one small sling-shot-armadillo-size rock and it just hits you (and you alone)? Would you take that personally? I, personally haven’t decided whether I’d take it personally yet or not (I’ll include that in next week’s report) BUT look on the bright side either way you could probably skip filing a tax return if it happens between now and the fifteenth. We should be so lucky. If so, this might be your last chance to catch some live music…here’s where:

• Thursday 4/2 Jay’s Bistro 7-10:30 brings jazz with Gene Libbea/bass, Mark Sloniker/piano and a (very likely) guest appearance by Mandy Harvey.
• Friday 4/3 Jay’s presents: Kevin Whalen/trumpet (he’s the current director of the UNC Greeley Jazz Festival and Wails on that trumpet and isn’t afraid of any rock heading straight at us at, say 85,000 miles and hour) with Roger Barnhart/bass and Marks Raynes and Sloniker on drums and piano. If this band doesn’t play some of the coolest jazz you have ever heard…may an armadillo strike me down (and eveyone else too, on this wacky planet).
• Saturday 4/4 Jay’s plays host to one of my longest-friendship-friends of mine in Colorado. Joe Anderies/alto flute and sax joins Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano for a fine night of jazz etc…Joe and I were touring with the Kinesis band and among other things opened for Bob James at Red Rocks and were on the Toronto Jazz Festival roster with The Pat Metheny Band, Carmen McCrae, Ramsey Lewis and Gato Barbieri and played the Disneyland Jazz Fest with Freddie Hubard and Buddy Rich right before this huge armadillo came shooting out of the sky and….well the rest is history!?
• Upcoming (if that Boulder misses us…my tax lady assures me that the IRS will still hunt me down and penalize me even if that rock takes everyone but me) Music at the Bistro: Andrew Vogt/sax Wednesday 4/8. Ryan Fourt/guitar Friday 4/10. Colleen Crosson/voice Saturday 4/11. Erik Applegate/bass Wed. 4/15. Grant Gordy/guitar Fri. 4/17. Wendy Fopeano/voice Sat. 4/18. Hugh Ragin/trumpet Fri. 4/24. Billy Hundley/voice Sat. 4/25.

Rock On! Hows that stike you…hey nothing personal…

Slon

3/28/2009

Big thanks to Ken for sending me this clear understanding of world economics through cows (see below)(who I guess got it from Matt). This kind of logic is un-herd of so much of the time that it is utterly delightful to ground myself when the steaks are so high. It behooves you to study up…but first jazz

• Tonight (Wednesday 3/25) 7-10 jazz@jay’s bistro – Roger Barnhart/bass, Mark(s) Raynes and Sloniker/drums & piano, special guest, Kevin Whalen/trumpet.
• Thursday 3/26 Jay’s (7/10:30) Mark Sloniker/piano and Gene Libbea/bass. Vocalist, Mandy Harvey will likely sit in.
• Friday 3/27 Jay’s features Peter Sommer/sax, Matt Smiley/bass and aforementioned drummer and pianist (see Wednesday) 8:30-11:30.
• Saturday 3/28 Jay’s presents vocalist Mary Buirgy with bassist Gene Libbea and Mark Sloniker/piano.
• Wednesday April First features, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Louis Armstrong and Charlie Parker (April fools!)>
• Friday 4/10 features Ryan Fourt. Saturday 4/11 features vocalist Colleen Crosson. Friday April 17 features Grant Gordy.

Stampede on down or my cattle meow at you!

Mark

• Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell the herd and retire on the income.
• Socialism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor.
• Communism: You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
• Fascism: You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
• Nazism: You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
• Bureaucratism: You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
• Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
• An American corporation: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
• AIG Venture Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option for one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. Then the public buys your bull.
• A French corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
• A Japanese corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called *Cowkimon* and market it worldwide.
• A German corporation: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
• An Italian corporation: You have two cows, but you don*t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
• A Swiss corporation: You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storage.
• A Chinese corporation: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
• An Indian corporation: You have two cows. You worship them.
• A British corporation: You have two cows. Both are mad.
• An Iraqi corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them you have none. No one believes you so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but now you are part of Democracy.
• An Australian corporation: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
• A New Zealand corporation: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

3/14/2009

Howdy, All! I just stand in utter awe (UTTER AWE!!!) at the science community when they can (against all odds) [ALL ODDS] calculate the exact night in our wacky and complex solar system, the sun (OUR SUN) [that same sun which has been setting off nuclear (pron. New-clee-r) explosions without the UN’s express written consent, for something like five billion years at any rate I digress…scientist figure out the exact date (every year) on which the sun will rise an hour (exactly ONE hour) late and they have the good-heartedness to contact us so we can make the adjustment on our clocks and keep an even keel in these ever turbulent times (turbulenter and tubulenter). WOWee WOWY!

At any rate…WOW, ”they” just did it AGAIN! WOW! And even though my circadian rhythm has been seriously compromised (not to mention my bowls) here we are, functioning (or disfunctioning) yet once more…in our lovely dance through this ever expanding universe…one hand on the throttle (the other on the stool softener)…making great time…well speaking of great time, here’s where to find one…

• Thursday 3/12 Jay’s Bistro (6:30-10:30) mark Sloniker will perform with someone who is not (Charles Mingus, Jaco Pastorius or Ray Brown)..but a bassist!
• Friday 3/13 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) Dave Lunn/sax, Mark Raynes/drums, Erik Applegate/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano…this will be GOOD!
• Saturday 3/14 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano with Colleen Crosson/voice

Peter Sommer Sax, Friday 4/27 = Peter Somer/sax! Saturday 4/28 Mary Buirgy! Stay tuned!

Thanks, mark

3/3/2009

So we have a great week of jazz @ jay’s (and month) for that matter. Please check it out and then “enjoy” these lovely bumper stickers.

• Wednesday 3/4 (7-10) Bassist Roger Barnhart, Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/piano and special guest Mike Davis/guitar. This is a sensational group and the Bistro is currently offering their “happy hour” bargains all night on Wednesdays.
• Thursday 3/5 The wonderful (young and talented, so young he might not even “get” the bumper stickers) Marty Kenny/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano will pal and host several drop in special guests (6:30-10:30)
• Friday 3/6 Guitarist, Grant Gordy is back with us (he’s been playing with David Grissman) also on the bill is Matt Smiley/bass and Mark(s) Raynes and Sloniker on drums and piano respectively (and every-once-in-a-while disrespectively).
• Saturday 3/7 HUGH RAGIN/trumpet is with us for an exciting jazz adventure with Shilo (he can play anything) Stroman/bass and yours truly on piano.
• Wednesday 3/11 Andrew Vogt/sax. Friday 3/13 Dave Lunn/sax. Saturday 3/14 Colleen Crosson/voice!

Thanks for Listening,

Mark

2/24/2009

Okay now, this week I continue with more good juju sent to me from my dear friend Lynn. These are so funny. No, I did not write them…I just wish I did…then there are some jazz announcements below that are vital to your musical well-being. One regarding some music tonight for “Fat Tuesday” before we have to give stuff up for Lent. This year I have decided to give up lent for Lent…I think that that line itself was lent to me by the same Zen Buddhist Monk who said to the hot dog vender in the park…”Make me one with everything”….(perhaps the hot dog vender belongs in Reader’s Digest)?

• Tonight 2/24 (6:30 Jay’s Bistro) Mark Sloniker plays piano music in the Fat Tuesday style of playing piano music (more jazz announcements after the funny word meanings).

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph(v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a small but humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the normal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and hangs out there, for a while.

(I adjusted this last one to fit into my own spiritual belief system)…

• Wednesday 2/25 Jay’s Bistro (7-10) Dr. Forest Greenough/bass, is there a doctor in the house? Andrew Vogt/guest sax, Mark (take 2 bass players and give up February for Lent) Sloniker/piano and Mark Raynes/drums.
• Thursday 2/26 Jay’s Bistro: Dr. Forest is back (if he rehearses his scales incorrectly is that “mal-practice”) with Not-a-Doc (or even a nurse) Mark Sloniker/piano (aka key witness to his own accidental falling off the black keys…did he fall flat?) 6:30-10:30.
• Friday 2/27 Jay’s Bistro: Ryan Fourt is back on guitar (I’m glad we didn’t give up Ryan Fourt for Lent) with Marty Kenny/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker/piano forte (which is the piano’s full name, don’t cha know?) 8:30-11:30.
• Saturday 2/28 Jay’s Bistro: Billy Hundley/voice is back with Shilo (he can play anything…Lent or no Lent) Stroman/bass and Mark (one trick pony) on the pianoforte. If a mime falls in the middle of the forest…???

Keep me Posted!

Mark

2/3/2009

Happy Ground Hog Day (a day late)! My daughter Emma asked me yesterday: “does the Ground Hog ever not see its shadow, thus providing us with an immediate spring?…don’t we always get the 6 more weeks of winter, any way?…does global warming make this all a moot point?...and is that Ground Hog getting a shady deal at our expense?” My reply was simple and straightworward…”I don’t know. But I’ll ask my bright e-friends!”

Perhaps one or more of my distinguished e-friends could illucidate me on these matters. Possible prizes may include: an early spring, , your own 3.2 billion dollar stimulus package, and last but not least, a ground hog (and some ground beef too)! One entry per Hog Whisperer. This offer void where prohibitted!

Jazz this week is ecceptional:

• Wednesday 2/4 Jay’s Bistro (7-10) Gene Libbea/grammy award winning bass, Mark Raynes/grammy nominated drums, Mark Sloniker/grahm craker filled piano playing with a more than good chance that sax man Jaime Blanko will come out of his hole, see his shadow and spring into action. Either way Sloniker has no grounds for hogging the stage.
• Thursday 2/5 Jay’s Bistro (6:30-10:30) Mark Sloniker/piano starts off solo and plays the longest Beatle medley west of the Poudre (is that my west or your west?) after which Roger Barnhart/bass joins him and they then play a special set of especially cool standards from the big banned era (everything “big” was banned in that era). But enough small talk…join us and you’ll be a part of the banned?!
• Friday 2/6 Jay’s features trumpet treasure, Kevin Whalen with bodacious bassist, Roger Barnhart and dynamo drummer, Mark Raynes and piano plinker (and mime whisperer) Mark Sloniker. This is a quintessentially quaking quartet! Quome on quown (and quit quowning around)!
• Saturday 2/7 (8:30-11:30) Vocalist, Mary Buirgy’s back (but enough about her back) she will be singing for us thankfully enough and Gene Libbea and Mark Sloniker will be here (or there as the case may be…is that my here or you’re here?) as well!

Upcoming Jazz: Peter Sommer/sax Friday 2/13. Colleen Crosson/voice Saturday 2/14. Erik Applegate/bass Friday 2/20. Ryan Fourt/guitar Friday 2/27.

As always, Thanks for Listening!

Mark

1/27/2009

Okay, thanks to JZ for sending me the “Philosophy of Ambiguity” one liners…(or should that be the two-in-one liners) which appear below. I’m not sure whether or not I get them…perhaps that’s the sign of a truly ambiguous philosophy! Oh well…I’ll get back to you on this (maybe) when I get back from my Selfless-Altruist’s Self Help Group Meeting (it’s like pulling teeth)…in the mean time I want to remind you that jazz continues to be performed Wednesdays through Saturdays in the lounge at Jay’s Bistro 135 W. Oak (482-1876). Jay and Jackie have been such strong and steady supporters of live music (we go back 14 years). Our clientele regularly return from New York, Chicago, or San Francisco reporting that our jazz is as fine as any found in the big city, without the $65 (or any) cover charge. Jay’s is extending their “happy hour” prices all night on Wednesdays and Thursdays to further entice you to come down for a great deal on fabulous food and drink, wonderful wait staff, warm atmosphere and some of the finest jazz around. Hugh Ragin is with us this Saturday, Grant Gordy (guitar man for David Grisman) is in on Friday, and other talented players abound. See below for all the details and join us for the joyful, jaunty, jiveful, gyratingly jocular genre of juicy jammin’ jazz.

• Wednesday 1/28 (7-10) Dr. Forest Greenough/bass, Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/piano with Special Guests Mike Davis/guitar and Jaime Blanko/horn o’copia.
• Thursday 1/29 (6:30-10:30) Mark Sloniker/piano is joined by Ron Cottingham/guitar for a truly captivating duo experience.
• Friday 1/30 (8:30-11:30) Grant Gordy/guitar, Roger Barnhart/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker will play as if there’s no tomorrow (and in a sense they are right). The future of jazz weighs in the balance (and it’s all bass(ed) on scales).
• Saturday 1/31 (8:30-11:30) Hugh Ragin/trumpet and Mark Sloniker/piano will continue their 25 year musical friendship with Matt Smiley/bass joining in.
• Upcoming: Kevin Whalen/trumpet Friday 2/6. Peter Sommer/sax Friday 2/13. Colleen Crosson/voice Saturday 2/14.

And now for the philosophy of ambiguity (or not). As always, thanks for listening!

Mark

P.S. here’s a link to Jay’s Bistro for details on food and drink specials! http://www.jaysbistro.net

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY....( as well as the idiosyncrasies of English)
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
15. If A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
18. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
19. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
20. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
21. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
22. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
23. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
24. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?
25. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?
26. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
27. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

1/20/2009

Okay, I did NOT write (or make up) the lines below (the Larry the cable guy stuff, thanks to Gloria for sending it to me). I only WISH I did! A big thanks to Dan S. for opening his home last week end to a bunch of like minded souls who raised over a thousand dollars for a homeless-ness prevention agency who helps gives a temporary assist to deserving folks trying to stay in their homes in the midst of some set backs. This is a great time to help/volunteer in our communities. It is my sincere and humble intent to help where I can on an ongoing basis. I will keep you posted on this and I do appreciate your ideas and insights and input (suggestions) as well. Have a great week and remember Jazz (and all heart felt music) replenishes, revitalizes, re-energizes and rejuvenates the heart. Stop in and partake! Here’s where when and who…

• Wednesday 1/21 Jay’s Bistro (7ish – 10) Erik Applegate/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker/piano with our very special guest Andrew Vogt/sax.
• Thursday 1/22 Jay’s Bistro features Gene Libbea/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano (7-10:30).
• Friday 1/23 Jay’s brings back John Olson/drums, Matt Smiley/bass, Kevin Karrick/guitar and me/keys (8:30-11:30). Solo piano from 6-8 by yours truly.
• Saturday 1/24 Jay’s hosts Wendy Fopiano/voice, Matt Smiley/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano (again solo piano 6-8 for you early birds).
• Upcoming: HUGH RAGIN/trumpet, Saturday 1/31. Mike Davis/guitar, Wednesday 1/28. Grant Gordy/guitar, Friday 1/30. Kevin Whalen/trumpet, Friday 2/6. Peter Sommer/sax, Friday 2/13.
• Colleen Crosson/voice, Sat. 2/14 (Valentine’s Day).

Thanks for listening! Now check out the wisdom of Larry the cable guy…

Mark

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
21. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
23. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
24. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

1/16/2009

Just a quick headzzz zup regarding jazz at the Bistro in January.

• Wednesday (tonight) 1/14 (7/10) Thee original Monster Trux Trio (Applegate/Raynes/Sloniker) will be joined by special guests Ron Cottingham/guitar and Jaime Blanko/horn. This is a very “fun night” replete with some very cool warmhearted jazz.
• Thursday 1/15 7-10:30) I am joined by bassist extrordinare, Marty Kenny (on bass…imagine that). If you have yet to see Marty play you are in for a treat. We will most probably have some folks sitting in as well so bring lawn chairs if you plan on sitting in (just kidding).
• Friday 1/16 (as you may or may not know I play solo piano from 6-8…how low? you ask? SO LOW!). At 8:30 the “band’’ commences…tonight that band happens to be: Andrew Vogt/sax, Mark Raynes/drums, Roger Barnhart/bass and I will be “ivory tickler” de jour (which is no laughing matter…just kidding).
• Saturday 1/17 (more so low piano 6-8 by yours truly) then Jay’s enjoys Mary Buirgy/voice, Gene Libbea/bass and I will be doing the tickling tonight as well (8:30-11:30).
• Upcoming jazz features HUGH Ragin/trumpet, Saturday 1/31. Wendy Fopeano, Saturday 1/24. Matt Smiley/bass, Friday 1/23. Gene Libbea/bass, Thursday 1/22.

As always, Thanks for Listening!

Mark

1/9/2009

If any of you had a yen to divest your interest in far east investments, well I guess that yen makes cents…I did not write this following bit. I am just the courier of some information that you can take to the bank…of something (read on):

The Banking Crisis in Japan...

• Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America, serious economic uncertainty has now hit the banking system in Japan!
• In the last 48 hours, Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
• Last week, it was revealed that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and willlikely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they took a nose dive.
• Samurai Bank is "soldiering on," and is under a Sword of Damocles following sharp cutbacks.
• Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

In addition, 500 employees at Karate Bank got chopped.

Finally, analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it is feared that depositors may get a raw deal. When you see the bank president, teller is cent you! Jazz is yielding high interest (C notes galore) check it out:

• Friday (to) night 1/9 Jay’s Bistro brings you Ryan Fourt/guitar, Mark Raynes/drums, Marty Kenny/bass and Mark (Count de Munny) Sloniker/keys (8:30-11:30)
• Saturday 9/10 Jay’s hosts Colleen Crosson/voice, Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/getting his two cents in on piano (8:30-11:30)
• Upcoming jazz@jay’s: Wednesday 1/14 features Monster Trux Trio (Applegate/Raynes/Sloniker). Thursday 1/15 Marty Kenny/bass. Friday 1/16 Andrew Vogt/sax.
• Saturday 1/17 Mary Buirgy. Saturday 1/24 Wendy Fopeano/voice.

Thanks for Listening,

Mark

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